<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>shellshocked by redhairedmuses</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140815">shellshocked</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhairedmuses/pseuds/redhairedmuses'>redhairedmuses</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>nat writes angst about ninja turtles [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotherly Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Heavy Angst, Leo Gets His Shell Cracked, Mild Language, just slightly though - Freeform, post episode: battle nexus new york</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:54:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,366</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140815</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhairedmuses/pseuds/redhairedmuses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wincing, Leo’s gaze shifts over to his youngest brother who’s now curled up on the floor with Raph’s head in his lap and their father is at their side. He meets Splinter’s eyes and looks down at the sight of his sword in his tiny hand. He wants to laugh, how fitting. He sends Splinter a single nod and braces himself for the inevitable — but then; he hears Shredder snarling above him — and his world goes straight to hell. </p><p>The Shredder presses his foot down harder onto Leo’s shell, his sharp talons scratching the surface, and then there’s a sickening sound that echoes. </p><p>CRRAACCK.</p><p> </p><p>--</p><p>the one where Leo gets his shell cracked by the Shredder.</p><p> </p><p>inspired by a post made by tumblr user <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/tmngoose">tmngoose</a></p><p> </p><p>UPDATE 9-21-2021: AND NOW WITH ART!</p><p>thank you <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/jadethest0ne">jadethest0ne</a> for the art and support! you are incredible!! go check out their art people!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Donatello &amp; Leonardo (TMNT)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>nat writes angst about ninja turtles [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>215</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>shellshocked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>guys, gals, and non-binary pals, ya favorite, certified angst queen has returned with another fic!</p><p>and this time, it's Leo-centric. </p><p>basically, this was inspired by <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/tmngoose">tmngoose</a> who posted a "what-if" scenario regarding battle nexus new york. basically, the scenario was, what if instead of Raph protecting Donnie from the Shredder, it was Leo, and thus this fic was born. </p><p> </p><p>potential warnings: mild language, canon-typical violence, descriptions of injury, etc.<br/> </p><p>have tissues prepared because this one is a doozy!</p><p>enjoy loves! </p><p>- natalie</p><p>ps: also want to give a huge thank you to my beta's, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenspecter/pseuds/goldenspecter">goldenspecter</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfish_willow">wolfish_willow</a> for taking the time out of their busy schedules to make sure that the angst is *chef's kiss*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>This was <em> not </em> how Leo imagined this day would go. </p><p>Why?</p><p>Well, let’s do a bit of a recap.</p><p>One: after texting them all in the group chat at 2 a.m. and telling them to meet her at the top of the Empire State Building for an awesome surprise at 10 a.m. sharp, April revealed she had entered them in a city-wide scavenger hunt -- and that they were going to win. </p><p>Two: the moment they stepped off the elevator to begin their adventure, they found themselves roped into Big Mama’s Battle Nexus New York, fighting alongside some of their most hated enemies, while April, their father, Draxum, and shockingly enough, Foot Recruit, were trapped in some kind of mystic orb with the rest of New York. </p><p>And three: after their villainous partners ditched them, Raph came swooping in Like a Boss™ with his favorite wrestling move, The Hibernator™, and played keep away with Big Mama’s new champion (and puppet) Shadow Fiend for control of the orb. </p><p>And back to your regularly scheduled program --</p><p> </p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>Why did everything hurt?</p><p>Grunting, Leo slowly lifts his head up, eyes widening as he stares in utter horror at Foot Recruit slowly bending down to pick up Big Mama’s discarded ring and slipping it on her finger. Cackling, she shakes her head and laughs, “There is no Shadow Fiend… only <em> the Shedder</em>!”</p><p>
  <em> Oy vey. </em>
</p><p>His heart takes a nosedive to the pit of his stomach. He can’t take his eyes off the hulking figure standing in the gaping hole they had just blasted him — <em> it </em> — through. His breath hitches as the wind catches the flimsy, tattered edges of the hood, blowing it backward and thus revealing the true nature of their opponent. </p><p>And to everyone’s dismay, it <em>is </em> the Shredder.</p><p>Foot Recruit’s hand curls into a fist as her lips turn up into a twisted smile. The ring on her finger flickers in the fading sunset. She points to them and screams, “Master Shredder, destroy your enemies!”</p><p>“BRACE YOURSELVES!” someone shouts.</p><p>Raph pulls Mikey in his arms before the Shedder lets out a feral snarl, swipes his arm out, and knocks the pair into a broken section of the wall. Raph’s head snaps back, hitting the wall hard, and dropping like a sack of potatoes with Mikey still wrapped in his arms. Mikey pops his head out from inside his shell and tumbles out of Raph’s arms. He’s covered in scratches, dust, and panting heavily, but he’s alive.</p><p>“Raph? Raphie! C’mon, get up! GET UP!” Mikey cries. “Ya can’t go to sleep right now!” </p><p>Sniffling and hot tears streaming down his cheeks, he crawls over to Raph, shaking their eldest brother’s shoulders, but Raph doesn’t move. Panicked, Mikey smacks Raph hard across the cheek, but he doesn’t stir. He hears the Shredder’s low growl from behind him and he quickly spins around, shielding Raph from whatever is to come. He lifts his arms up to his face, and yelps as the Shredder lifts a metal claw up and swings down — but the pain never comes.</p><p>
  <em> CLANG! </em>
</p><p>Leo grins as Donnie’s tech-bo knocks Shredder’s claw off course, barely missing Mikey and Raph, and forcing the metal demon to swipe at the open air. The purple tech-bo returns to Donnie, who jumps into the air, grabbing his weapon and twirling it. Leo sees blood dripping from the side of Donnie’s mouth. </p><p>“Hey! Claws off my brothers!” Donnie shouts. </p><p>Huffing, Leo pushes himself up on shaky legs and snatches up his odachi. </p><p>“Nice shot, Dee!” he laughs. “Ten points to Slytherin!”</p><p>“This isn’t really the best time for your humor, Leo!”</p><p>“What? I can’t make a joke right now?”</p><p>“NO!”</p><p>Chuckling, Leo grips his sword tightly in his hands and smirks. His eyes flick back over to Mikey and Raph. He sees Draxum hovering over April, shielding her from the Shredder’s wrath. Their father is on his hands and knees, wheezing. Raph is down — which means it's up to the Disaster Twins™ to protect their family. </p><p>“Blue! Make a portal!” his father shouts from somewhere behind him. </p><p>Leo barely gets the chance to lift his sword before he hears the familiar metallic thud of Donnie’s battle-shell hitting the ground and a pained shout come from his brother. </p><p>“Donnie!” April screams. </p><p>“DONATELLO!” </p><p>And for a split second, time stops. </p><p>Everything else around him fades, and all Leo sees is Donnie laying flat on his plastron and back exposed to the Shredder. Without a moment’s hesitation, Leo drops his sword and breaks into a run. It clatters to the ground, its echo loud in the silent office. He launches himself in between Donnie and the Shredder, landing hard onto his brother’s battle-shell, and bears his own vulnerable shell to the mercy of the Shredder’s metal boot. </p><p>Leo grunts, bracing himself on his arms as the Shredder presses down harder and harder in every attempt to crush him and his brother. He squeezes his eyes shut and braces himself for the worst. Something sharp scratches his shell and he chokes back a cry. He bites down on his lip as the pressure on his shell increases tenfold. </p><p>“Leo! What the hell are you doing?” Donnie shouts at him. His hand wraps around Leo’s forearm and squeezes it. He tries to push Leo off, but the blue-banded turtle stands his ground and refuses to budge. “Move, you dumb-dumb! Shredder’ll crush you! GET OFF!”</p><p>“Better me than you,” Leo says through gritted teeth. He yelps as his elbows buckle under Shredder’s weight. He’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up, but he’s going to try. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know why he’s doing this. </p><p>He doesn’t know why he just threw himself at Donnie, only for them both to be slowly crushed under Shredder’s foot. </p><p>He doesn’t know why he dropped his sword. </p><p>He doesn’t know why he didn’t just grab his <em> fucking </em> sword in the first place and use it to block Shredder from crushing them both.</p><p>He doesn’t why the hell he’s doing all of this...</p><p>And then it hits him.</p><p>His mind flashes back to all those months ago when he wasn’t there to save Donnie’s shell from being shredded. He remembers the feeling of guilt pooling into his stomach when he first saw the state of Donnie’s battle-shell. The mess of torn and jagged pieces of metal sticking out in different directions. The pained sound came out of his brother’s mouth when the battle-shell slipped away and clattered to the ground. How he, April, and Raph had to hold Donnie down while a teary-eyed Mikey shot him with a tranquilizer dart. How he forced his hands to stay steady as he stitched his brother’s shell back together. And for weeks he could barely look at him, let alone be in the same room as him. How he avoided Donnie for so long before the purple-banded turtle confronted him and forced him to face his fears. </p><p>No, he had no plans to go through that again.</p><p>Not today. </p><p>Not. Ever. </p><p>“Leo!” there’s a pain in Mikey’s voice as he calls out to him. “LEO - STOP! PLEASE!” </p><p>Wincing, Leo’s gaze shifts over to his youngest brother, who’s now curled up on the floor with Raph’s head in his lap and their father at their side. He meets Splinter’s eyes and looks down at the sight of his sword in his tiny hand. He wants to laugh, how fitting. He sends Splinter a single nod and braces himself for the inevitable — but then; he hears Shredder snarling above him — and his world goes straight to hell. </p><p>The Shredder presses his foot down harder onto Leo’s shell, his sharp talons scratching the surface, and then there’s a sickening sound that echoes. </p><p>
  <em> CRRAACCK.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The whole room fills with silence and Leo’s eyes shoot open. The blood in his veins turns to ice, and his heart jumps to his throat. He can’t move. He can’t breathe. He can’t even think. He swallows and looks down. His eyes meet Donnie’s and all he sees is tears, pain, and panic.  </p><p>“Nardo?”</p><p>Leo’s body shifts just ever so slightly and instantly, he feels a sharp, agonizing pain ripping through his shell. </p><p>And someone screams. </p><p>His shell feels like it’s on fire and his stomach is in knots. He feels sick and dizzy. His head spins and his arms tremble like quaking leaves on a tree. There’s the sound of swooshing in the air, the familiar tug of mystic energy, and something grabbing onto his ankle — a vine.</p><p>
  <em> Draxum.  </em>
</p><p>Leo almost wants to cry out in relief. His body shudders as he’s forcibly ripped away from the Shredder. The sharp talons clip the edge of his shell and he cries out in pain again. But finally, he’s free. Leo slowly sinks through the portal, Donnie still clinging to him like a lifeline. And just as quickly as the portal opens, they all drop into the main living room of the lair, breathless and exhausted — and the portal closes behind them. </p><p>“Everyone sound off!” Splinter says. </p><p>“Here!” April chimes in. </p><p>“As am I,” Draxum groans. </p><p>“Raph’s out cold, but we’re here!” Mikey calls out. Leo hears Mikey patting his hand on Raph’s cheek. “C’mon, Raphie. Time to wake up and join the party.”</p><p>Donnie shuffles out from under Leo, scrambling away, panting heavily. He swallows and while waving a hand, gasps, “Present and accounted for!”</p><p>However, Leo doesn’t respond to his father’s order. </p><p>He can still hear the repeating echo of his shell cracking under the weight of the Shredder. <em>CRRAACCK.</em> <em>CRRAACCK</em>. <em>CRRAACCK.</em> It thrums in his head like a heartbeat. Steady. Only he knows that this is much worse. He slowly lifts his head and gives a pained smile to his family, who are now all looking at him. </p><p>The looks on their faces vary from hurt, horror, shock, fear, and sadness. There are tears in April’s eyes and she’s holding a hand to her mouth, stifling a gasp. Mikey looks a little more green around his cheeks as if he’s going to be sick. Raph has finally come around, groaning and clutching his head. He blinks slowly and freezes when he stares directly at Leo. The color in his father’s face has been drained, replaced with pale features and twitching whiskers. Even Draxum appears concerned and baffled -- a sight to be seen for sure. </p><p>“Hey, what’s shakin’ fam?” he says with a grimace. </p><p>“Nardo,” Donnie says. </p><p>“Don’t mention it, bro,” Leo cuts him off. “Consider ourselves even.” He lets out a shaky breath; his arms feel like jelly. He’s done his job, now he can rest. His body shudders and gives way, forcing him to collapse onto the ground and flat on his plastron.</p><p>“Leo!” Donnie shouts. </p><p>——————————————<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The purple-banded turtle scrambles back to Leo’s side and freezes when he looks down at the state of his brother’s shell. His shell is covered in scratches and nicks, none of which have broken through the tough exterior. But then he sees what damage the Shredder has done, and his stomach lurches. There is a large spider-web crack in the very center of Leo’s shell. Blood has already started to seep out, sluggishly moving down his shell and dripping onto the ground, forming tiny pools. </p><p>Donnie can’t breathe. His fingers tremble as he slowly reaches out to touch Leo’s shell. Leo tenses under his fingers and he quickly draws them back to his chest. His hands drop to his knees. He feels his father’s clawed hand come down to rest on his shoulder. </p><p>“Why — why’d you do it, Leo?” he asks. His tone changes from concern to anger. “You’ve — you’ve could’ve been crushed! You could’ve died, you idiot!” </p><p>He hears Leo laugh, it’s shaky and breathy. He’s almost certain that there is a smirk on Leo’s lips. And when he goes to look down at his brother, he’s right. There on his brother’s face is his ever-famous “Leo’s got this-smirk”; a knot forms in his stomach.  </p><p>“Had to,” Leo mumbles. He struggles to keep his eyes open. He slowly turns his head on its side to look up and meet Donnie’s tear-filled eyes.  </p><p>“But why?” the purple-banded turtle demands. </p><p>“’Cause that’s what big brothers do,” is his answer.  </p><p>Leo’s eyes slide shut and his head rolls to the side. Donnie immediately panics. He grabs Leo by the shoulders and shakes him. But Leo doesn’t wake. His plastron is moving up and down in even breaths, a good sign, but he’s not out of the woods just yet. </p><p>“Hey, hey, Nardo, stay awake for me,” Donnie says. “Wake up, you dumb-dumb. Can’t have you falling asleep on me.”</p><p>He tries thumping his finger on Leo’s forehead — something he knows his brother hates more than anything in the world — but he receives no response. He checks Leo’s pulse; it’s strong and steady. A welcomed relief. A good sign that Leo’s still there and hanging on. The hand on his shoulder tightens, forcing him to break from his focus. He whips his head up to look up at his father.</p><p>“Donnie, we need to move him to the med-bay,” Splinter says. </p><p>Donnie looks back down at his brother and blinks. Leo will die if he doesn’t get the help he needs. He can’t help but look over to the giant crack in Leo’s shell and the blood oozing from the open wound. He looks down at his own hands and swallows. </p><p>He curls his hands into tight fists. Donnie always considered himself to be many things. He was a great (and sometimes evil) scientist. A cunning hacker. A brilliant inventor. But the one thing he was not was a medic. No, that role fell onto Leo’s shoulders. But now that Leo was out of commission, the role now fell onto him.</p><p>Donnie exhales shakily and closes his eyes. </p><p>His mind goes back to two summers ago when Raph took a critical hit during sparring and cracked his own shell. It wasn’t as bad as the current situation, but a cracked shell was a cracked shell. He remembers how immediately Leo jumped in Medic!Mode and started barking orders to him and their brothers.</p><p>And rule number one was simple: <em> Don’t move him. If we do, we could injure him more and make things worse. </em></p><p>“We can’t move him,” Donnie says with a shake of his head. Splinter cocks his head to the side, confused. “We could hurt him more if we try. We patch his shell first and then we can probably move him.”</p><p>“So, what do you need us to do, Donnie?” Raph grumbles as Mikey and Draxum help him to his feet.</p><p>Donnie points at Raph first and says, “You have a concussion so that excuses you. You need to go lay down, drink lots of fluids, and someone probably should stay with you and monitor you.”</p><p>“But!” Raph protests. </p><p>“I’ll watch ‘im, Dee,” Mikey volunteers with a gentle smile. He pats Raph on the plastron and starts guiding him away from the living room. “C’mon Raph, let’s go take a nice nap.”</p><p>With Mikey and Raph out of the room, Donnie breathes a little easier; there is one less patient to worry about.</p><p>“What’s next, Donnie?” April asks, her voice breaking him from his trance. She kneels down beside him. Donnie can see there are unshed tears in her eyes, but she still maintains her composure. Her presence quells his rising anxiety, forcing him to think clearly and remain focused. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Step one: Clean the wound </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Step two: Keep it dry.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“We, we - uh, we need, to clean the wound and keep it dry. If we don’t, the wound could get infected,” Donnie mumbles. “We’ll need warm water and towels. And lots of them.”</p><p>“Draxum, with me,” Splinter says. He places Leo’s odachi against the back of the chair and motions for the sheep-yokai to follow him to the kitchen to retrieve the towels and water. They leave the living room and now it’s only Donnie, April, and Leo. </p><p>“We need to get his belt off,” April says. </p><p>“Agreed.”</p><p>Donnie grabs his tech-bo, presses down on the main button, and the staff’s end transforms into a sharp pair of scissors. He cuts away the belt and starts removing it. April reaches over Leo’s shoulder and gently lifts his arm out of the way for the rest of the belt to slip out from under his plastron. Donnie tosses it aside and presses the button on his tech-bo, reverting it back to its original state. </p><p>“Okay, now what?” April asks. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Step three: Apply the fiberglass patch and resin.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>First aid kit. Leo’s room. </p><p>“April, if you go into Leo’s room, there should be a big blue first aid kit under his bed. Find the container of fiberglass patches and bring them to me. Leo’s probably got them labeled as something dumb like “Shell Patches” or whatever, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find them,” Donnie says. “I need to get to my lab and get the resin.”</p><p>“On it!”</p><p>April gets to her feet and leaves the living room, heading straight for Leo’s room. Now alone, Donnie looks down at Leo and nods. He’s grateful that Leo isn’t awake to see this — to see him in such a state. Ugh, he’d never hear the end of it. Tears drip down his cheeks and hit the ground, mixing in with the small pools of blood. Donnie looks down at his knees and notes the red stains on them. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. Swallowing thickly, he backs up and clenches his jaw. </p><p>“I can fix this,” he murmurs. He nods his head, affirming his belief. “I can fix this, I can fix this, I can fix this…” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Purple?”</p><p>Donnie’s head jerks up. His father and Draxum have returned from the kitchen with towels and two buckets of water. Splinter kneels down next to Leo, deposits the towels onto the floor, and places a paw on his son’s cheek.  </p><p>“Hand me a towel, rat,” Draxum says, rolling up his sleeves. </p><p>Splinter’s nose twitches at the gruffness of Draxum’s tone and elects to ignore it for the sake of the situation. He hands the sheep-yokai a fresh towel and looks up at Donnie. </p><p>“Go get what you need,” Splinter says. “We will stay with Blue.”</p><p>“Right, yeah, okay.”</p><p>Donnie gets to his feet, heads straight for his lab, and begins his frantic search for the resin he and Leo had been developing together since Raph first cracked his shell. He recalls the many nights the pair stayed up late, testing new formulas, pouring themselves into research, hoping they would create a resin best suited for their mutated bodies. </p><p>“If I were a brilliantly designed spray resin, where would I be hiding?” </p><p>Donnie scans his lab a moment and then snaps his fingers.</p><p>“Ah-ha!”</p><p>He dives under his workbench, legs wiggling as he worms his way under the structure. He digs around a moment before pulling out a spray can with a poorly drawn doodle of Leo’s face. He crawls out from under the workbench and then stumbles out of the lab. He sprints back to the living room and stops. April is working alongside Draxum, her glasses pushed up to her nose and tongue poking out in concentration. The pair are cleaning away the blood dripping down Leo’s shell, but his father is nowhere to be found. </p><p>He pauses a second to take in everything and then jogs back over, dropping beside April. </p><p>“How’s he doing?” he asks. </p><p>“He hasn’t woken up yet,” April responds. </p><p>“Good, he doesn’t need to be awake for this next part.” Donnie lays a hand on Leo’s shoulder and glances up at Draxum. “How’d clean-up duty go, Draxum?”</p><p>“The wound is cleaned and dry just as requested,” Draxum says. </p><p>“And Pops?”</p><p>“The rat went to check on your brothers.”</p><p>“Great, okay, April, get me a couple of those patches!”</p><p>Donnie flicks down his goggles and holds out a hand, palm facing up. April places several patches in his open hand and he gets to work. He’s no medic, but he still remembers the step-by-step of Leo patching Raph’s cracked shell. He starts the process by placing patches around the edges of the crack and working his way towards the largest and most severe crack. With all the patches laid out, Donnie grabs the spray can, gives it a few good shakes, pops the lid off, and presses down on the nozzle. The resin comes out clear and creates a clean layer of protection over the patches, eventually sealing them all together. He caps the can and watches as the resin slowly changes colors, now morphing into the familiar shade of blue-green of Leo’s shell.</p><p>“Well, at least Leo will be happy to know the resin didn’t come out purple,” April says. She bumps Donnie’s shoulder with her own. </p><p>Donnie doesn’t speak, only nodding. April’s hand comes up to rest on his shoulder, and he drops his hand atop hers. It’s a pleasant feeling, warm and comforting. Something he doesn’t realize he actually needs. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Step four: Rest and recover.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He looks up and finds Draxum slowly gathering up the pile of blood-stained towels. His eyes can’t move from the sight of the bloody towels in the sheep-yokai’s arms even as Draxum walks out of the room and disappears. </p><p>There’s a lump in Donnie’s throat.</p><p>He doesn’t really remember what happened to him in the med-bay after that first encounter with Shredder. Sure, it was months ago and Donnie is still dealing with the nightmares and trauma. Sometimes, it comes in pieces… flashes. But during his recovery, his family fills in the blanks, and eventually, he learns the truth. </p><p>Even though the memory of having his battle-shell extracted from his body and Shredder’s talons ripping through his vulnerable shell is never far from his mind, there is one memory in particular that stands out among the rest. </p><p>Just days after he’s able to leave the med-bay and stretch his legs, he catches Mikey in the laundry room with an armload of blood-stained towels. The same towels they used to clean up blood from his injuries. He stands there a moment, just staring and not saying a word. It’s not until Mikey’s finished stuffing the towels into the washer when his youngest brother turns and finds him there. The two stand there in silence, staring at one another. And when the silence becomes too heavy for them to carry, Mikey makes the first move. </p><p>He doesn’t try to strike up a conversation, not like he normally would. He simply gives Donnie a reassuring smile and then slowly walks up to him, wrapping his arms around his middle. Donnie feels his body stiffen at the contact. He stands there, not moving and breath hitching. Seconds go by. Donnie eventually releases the breath he doesn’t even know he’s been holding and returns the affection, moving his arms to wrap themselves around Mikey. The brothers stay rooted in the laundry room, clinging to one another and breathing a collective sigh of relief.</p><p>They were alive, and they were going to be okay.</p><p>“There, that should do it,” Donnie sighs, wiping a hand across his forehead. “April, help me move Leo to the med-bay. But be careful.”</p><p>April moves to the opposite side of Leo and slowly dips her arms under Leo’s legs. Donnie copies her, slipping his arms under Leo’s plastron. </p><p>“On the count of three,” Donnie says. “One, two — ” </p><p>“‘onnie?” a voice mumbles. </p><p>Donnie freezes. He looks over at April who shakes her head, mouthing, “It wasn’t me!” He immediately looks down and finds Leo’s eyes are opened. He’s awake — but for how long, Donnie wonders. </p><p>“Nardo? Hey, hey, you okay? How’re you feeling?” Donnie asks. “Any pain?”</p><p>“Nu-uh, ‘ust tired,” Leo answers with a yawn. </p><p>Donnie breathes a sigh of relief, at least the numbing agent he added to the resin is working. April takes her arms out from under Leo’s legs and lays a hand on his ankle. She smiles at the brothers and pats Leo’s ankle. </p><p>“You’ll be happy to know that the resin Dee used didn’t turn out purple, so your shell doesn’t have a purple blob on it,” April snickers. </p><p>“Ugh, thank the almighty Pizza Supreme in the sky,” Leo groans. </p><p>“Leo, we need to move you, you can’t stay on the floor forever,” Donnie says, interrupting the pair’s banter. “I can’t risk having your shell get infected.”</p><p>“Don’t wanna move,” the blue-banded turtle mumbles. He snuggles his face further into his folded arms. “Too comfy.”</p><p>“Hey, how’s Leo?” Mikey calls out. </p><p>Donnie and April both look up to find Mikey with Raph and Splinter as his side. Raph still looks a bit dazed and tired, but he looks much better than before. He’s leaning on Splinter a bit as they walk further into the living room. The snapping turtle makes himself comfortable by dropping onto the ground next to them and pressing his spiky shell against the back of Splinter’s chair. </p><p>“We’re trying to convince Leo to let us move him so he can rest, but he’s being a giant pain in my ass,” Donnie huffs. </p><p>“Language,” Splinter snaps.</p><p>“Heh, you love me,” Leo teases, sticking out his tongue. </p><p>Donnie rolls his eyes and clambers up to his feet, mumbling, “Why do I even bother?” He stretches his arms over his shoulders and grunts at the sound of something cracking. He rubs at the back of his neck and pats Raph on the shoulder. </p><p>“We could make a pillow fort in here so Leo doesn’t have to move,” April suggests. “We prop him up on some pillows and presto!”</p><p>Mikey’s face lights up at the mention of the word, “pillow fort” and he quickly dashes out of the room, shouting, “YOU HAD ME AT PILLOW FORT!” </p><p>“Someone should probably go supervise him so he doesn’t hurt himself,” April sighs. When none of the other brothers attempt to move, she shakes her head. “Okay, I guess that someone is me.” She gets up to her feet and heads in the direction Mikey just left. </p><p>“I am going to find Draxum before he goes snooping into my room,” Splinter announces. He bends down to touch a paw on Leo’s cheek. Leo leans into the touch and winks at their father. Splinter pats him on the cheek and then leaves. </p><p>“How’s your head, big guy?” Leo asks once Splinter is out of the room. “Shredder tossed ya around like a rag doll.”</p><p>“Sore,” Raph says with a shrug. He winces and asks the same. “You?”</p><p>“Tired.”</p><p>“Well, once Michael and April come back, we’ll set up everything and get you two reckless, buffoons comfortable,” Donnie says. “Be right back in a second. Stay. Put.” </p><p>The purple-banded turtle grabs Leo’s odachi and his tech-bo from the floor and walks out of the room, heading for his lab. When he enters, he deposits the weapons onto his workbench and stands there a moment. Donnie runs a finger over the hilt of his brother’s weapon and closes his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Move, you dumb-dumb! Shredder’ll crush you! GET. OFF.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Better me than you.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Donnie visibly flinches. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Why — why’d you do it, Leo? You’ve — you’ve could’ve been crushed! You could’ve died, you idiot!”   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Had to.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “But why?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “‘Cause that’s what big brothers do.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Donnie shakes the memory from his mind and quickly leaves the sanctity of his lab. He heads back towards the living room where he finds April and Mikey adding the final touches to their giant pillow fort. Raph has since moved to the front of Splinter’s chair and Leo is lying down in front of him under a pile of pillows. Donnie quirks a brow. </p><p>“Wait, how did you guys — ” he says. </p><p>“Don’t worry Donnie, Leo didn’t move a muscle!” Mikey pipes up. He adds another pillow to their growing fort and drapes a blanket over Raph’s shoulders. Mikey plops down next to Raph’s left side while April curls up against his right. “We were super careful and moved him under some pillows. Now c’mon!” </p><p>Donnie heaves a sigh and joins them in the pillow fort. He sits cross-legged on some pillows in front of Leo and disengages his battle-shell. The hulking metal-shell slides off his shoulders and lands safely in the pile of pillows. He yawns, rubbing his eyes. Mikey’s own yawn follows his, and he curls closer into Raph’s side. April leans her head against Raph’s plastron, smiles at him, and shuts her eyes. </p><p>It’s not long before Raph, Mikey, and April are all asleep, but Donnie remains awake. He can’t sleep. Not yet, at least. Well, especially not with Raph’s obnoxious snoring keeping him up. He looks down at Leo, who appears to be asleep, judging by the rise and fall of his chest and his eyes are closed. His gaze flickers over to the now fully dried resin and patches that cover the expanse of Leo’s shell. </p><p>“You can stop staring,” Leo mumbles.</p><p>Donnie clears his throat. </p><p>“I thought you were asleep,” he whispers. </p><p>Leo snorts.</p><p>“Insomnia, remember?”</p><p>“Ah.”</p><p>The room fills with silence again. </p><p>“I’m not mad, you know.”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>Leo opens his eyes and jerks a thumb over his shoulder. </p><p>“Wasn’t your fault,” the blue-banded turtle says. He drops his hand down. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”</p><p>“I still don’t understand why you did it though,” Donnie says. He draws one of his knees up to his plastron and drops his chin onto it. </p><p>“I already told you why. It’s what big brothers do, Dee.”</p><p>“Leo — you,” Donnie stops himself and hesitates. He shakes his head. He can already feel the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He sniffs and hastily wipes his eyes. His brows furrow and his tone shifts from hurt to anger. “Don’t you get it? Shedder would have crushed you. You could’ve died today.”</p><p>“You’d never let that happen,” Leo says calmly. </p><p>“How the hell are you so calm right now?”</p><p>His brother answers with a shrug. </p><p>“Don’t know. Just am. Could also be the painkillers that I took earlier.”</p><p>“You took pain killers?” Donnie blanches. “I didn’t give you any painkillers, who gave you painkillers, wait, when — how did you get painkillers?”</p><p>“When they were building the fort and Raph was dozing off,” Leo explains. “I always have some in the pouch on my belt for emergencies. Oh, you owe me a new belt.”</p><p>Donnie stares at Leo and shakes his head. He isn’t sure if he wants to slap him, strangle him, yell at him, or any combination of the three. He sighs, pinching the ridge between his eyes. He can already feel a migraine developing. </p><p>“At least we’ll be matching,” Leo says, snapping Donnie from his reverie.  </p><p><em> Matching? </em> Donnie wonders, quirking a brow. <em> What the hell is he </em> — His face falls and the realization washes over him. <em> Oh.  </em></p><p>Silently, Donnie’s hand inches up to touch the fading scars on his own shell. He remembers how he avoided any reflective surfaces for the few weeks after their encounter with Shredder. His fingers brush the edges and he looks back down at Leo, whose expression has changed from smug to soft. He lays down onto his plastron, his face directly across from Leo’s. The blue-banded turtle holds out his hand and Donnie takes it into his own. He intertwines their fingers together, just like they did when they were tots, and smiles. </p><p>“Thanks, Leo,” he murmurs. “I’m glad you’re okay.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, Dee,” Leo replies. His lips curl up into a smug smirk. “I knew you loved me.”</p><p>“Don’t ruin the moment, Leo.”</p><p>"Say it back you egg-headed nerd."</p><p>“Don’t make me say it.”</p><p>“Sayyy itt! I won’t leave you alone unless you say it.”</p><p>"Ugh, fine. I love you."</p><p>"Heh, that’s a copy. Love you too, Dee."</p><p>“Night Nardo.”</p><p>Leo is the first to shut his eyes, and Donnie soon follows suit. He exhales a deep sigh and curls closer towards Leo. He hooks one of his ankles around Leo’s and yawns. He blinks sleepily, looking at his family surrounding him, and finally allows sleep to consume him. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you all for taking the time to read this super angsty fic!</p><p>don't be afraid to drop a comment or two!</p><p>and kudos are always welcomed!!</p><p>- natalie</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>